Aguh

(actual photo taken of me last summer)

It's June. It's NY. It's almost summer time in NY. I hate summer in NY. It's hot and muggy and everything smells like garbage. Everything is heated concrete and heated blacktop and there are like three trees but everyone is trying to fit under those three trees but there are so many people and most people don't fit under three trees. You see people pass out on the street from heat stroke, or maybe you have just seen that once but once is enough. One time you were at a crowded bar and fainted from being hot. There are flies EVERYWHERE. I just hate it so much. And so I decided to compile a list of:
Places I would rather be than NY in the summer

Every summer in NY I have fantasies of being an Alaskan King Crab fisherman. I know its supposedly a very deadly job, but here's the catch (get it!) look how icy it is on that boat! Don't you wanna be on that boat?! Plus you could just smoke cigarettes and curse and wear the same old dirty clothes everyday and drink whiskey because you need to stay warm, and nobody will judge you. Also don't they make like a million dollars per crab? Sounds like paradise to me

Arrakis. Now I have seen the movie Dune. I'm not a dummy. But if we take away the knowledge that it is simply a horrible film, maybe its not such a horrible planet. Granted I stopped paying attention a third of the way in so I'm not exactly sure how everything ended up, but I'm sure we could find some good qualities here. Also I am half way through the book, and I still don't like it! But one thing I know for certain is that even if Arrakis is just as hot as NY is in the summer, at least it doesn't smell like garbage. There has got to be limited garbage on those Dunes. Waste not want not is their main policy over there. It would be pretty cool to just eat some spice and ride some sandworms all day.

Now here is a series of movies/books I can get behind. Trust me I know Mordor is suppose to be pretty bad. And actually I'm sure it has a combo of heat and smells similar to NY in the summer, but honestly I think I would take any place in middle earth over any place in regular earth. Also lets just suppose this is Mordor post Sauron, it could evolve into a pretty nice place?

Ok, maybe I should make this exclusively "places I would rather be than NY in the summer that are also books that have been adapted in movies" because apparently that is what it is turning into. But yeah, Cormac McCarthys dystopian future is more appealing to me than another summer in NY. Now before our mailbox gets jammed full of letters arguing against this one, let me say I know that there are SOME downsides to living in this post apocalyptic hell hole but that doesn't mean that there aren't also some perks to this world. I mean heat does not seem to be an issue. The sun is barely out, and even at the beach you can catch quite the pneumonia. Also there is plenty of outdoor space for picnics and BBQ's which is one of my biggest complaints of living in the city. I don't want to go to your rooftop cookout where 50 people try to fit on one tar sun soaked roof where the risk of somebody falling off is MUCH higher than anyone is willing to admit. I don't want to travel for an hour to central park to find an inch of space on the grass in order to have a picnic with every single other person in the city. I would rather have some nice quiet space to myself in the forest enjoying my grilled baby fetus in peace.