Quaid-Lude

I just really need some Quaid-ludes right now. Just a high does of some of that quaid to bring the edge down. The problem is I just don't know which Quaid to choose. God knows I can't have both (if only!!). SO you guys, please help me figure out which Quaid is the lude for me. Let's take a look at some documentation I have gathered in order to best answer this question.

Well, let's see, Dennis Quaid was married to Meg Ryan who is AMERICA'S "F-ing" SWEETHEART, so there's that. I mean obviously if he could land a sweatheart like that there has got to be something special about him.

ALSO he had a coke problem for most of the sixties and seventies. He would drink like a twelve pack of cola a day. Some days he could go through 3 2 liter bottles in ONE DAY. Eventually he was even experimenting with some real freaky shit, like Coke Zero, and Diet Vanilla Coke. Eventually he was able to overcome this addiction, and blames the care free Hollywood lifestyle for his decent into addiction. Also he would use Cocaine sometimes.
From Wiki- "It was a gradual thing. But it got to the point where I couldn't have any fun unless I had it. Which is a bad place to be." Later in the interview he said, "But I saw myself being dead in about five years if I didn't stop."
There's also this In October 2009, Dennis Quaid narrowly avoided being arrested for DUI, when a police officer managed to persuade him to get out of his car and get a cab.
^{And this-} In addition to acting, Quaid is a musician and plays with his band, the Sharks.
Sharks! Oh man, gotta get into that band. Are they touring soon? Do you think they will come to NY? I guess I will just have to call Ticketmaster later.

Moving on, there is Randy, the elder, and more majestic of the two.

Well he was definitely arrested for Fraud
And he was definitely arrested for burglary
AND he was a Canadian refugee (I love Canada so Randy might just be the man to beat) AND Randy is responsible for blowing the lid off of the Hollywood Star Wackers conspiracy. Think of how many celebrities lives were saved because of this American (Canadian) Hero.

Well I can't decide. Maybe you can help me out? It's just TOO hard! If only Dennis Quaid and Randy Quaid could have a baby cuz then I could finally have the perfect Quaid.