This morning I woke up to the most obnoxious sound. It was the law and order theme song. But not just any law and order theme song, It was a mother fucking ring tone. The only people who like law and order are old people. However, this person could not be above 60 years old because they would not have known how to set the ring tone. At this point, I know who I am dealing with. A 50 year old law and order fanatic with a feminine step. I sat up in bed. My European instincts took over. "What do you think you are doing?" I said in a Russian accent. I pulled the pistol out of my pajama pants and pointed it at the owner of the cell phone. I shot her twice in the head, jumped out the window, stole a car and headed for the border. That is when I realized I had been playing GTA IV all mother fucking night. And I am still playing it now. If only this was real life.
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