Not the movie. The real life shit. While growing up, my mother compared me to Macauly Culkin. "Oh Allison, your hair is just like Macauly's. You are a good son, just like Macauly. I'm going to leave you alone for a week, just like Macauly." GOD DAMMIT MOM, THAT SHIT WAS A MOVIE. Everybody knows that all the crazy shit your parent do to you as a child makes you a freak. That is why I am so scared now. I am home alone.
Yeah maybe I got a shit ton of ice cream, but I don't got no one to save me from Joe Pesci. And I don't mean the robber from Home Alone. I mean the mother fucking killer from Goodfellas. So I hope my roommates are happy and full of Thai food, when they come home, and find the mafia has had their way with me.
Best,
Me.
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