Niko Niko Niko Niko

This morning I woke up to the most obnoxious sound. It was the law and order theme song. But not just any law and order theme song, It was a mother fucking ring tone. The only people who like law and order are old people. However, this person could not be above 60 years old because they would not have known how to set the ring tone. At this point, I know who I am dealing with. A 50 year old law and order fanatic with a feminine step. I sat up in bed. My European instincts took over. "What do you think you are doing?" I said in a Russian accent. I pulled the pistol out of my pajama pants and pointed it at the owner of the cell phone. I shot her twice in the head, jumped out the window, stole a car and headed for the border. That is when I realized I had been playing GTA IV all mother fucking night. And I am still playing it now. If only this was real life.

spider roll

hey, pretty much i had the same problem here as i had with chun-li. google search cammy and you get sex cammy. google search sarah michelle gellar you get sexy sarah michelle gellar. this sucks. evetually i found a couple fighting pictures but really it should not have been that hard. i mean both of these ladies careers are pretty much centered around physical altercations. aguh

EMERGENCY

so i wanna be screaming about this to allison but katie is trying to sleep and screaming at us to be quiet so she can sleep but omg. so there was this direct-tv commercial. maybe its directv. idk. but its david spade. which is like, whatever, you kinda belong in a commercial like this, you need money to pay rent or whatever. but then there is chris farley doing his fat guy in a littl coat routine. wait just one minute. i thought chris farley was dead. oh wait a second lemme check... yup dead. definitely dead. oh so cute, they CGI'd his acting into a totally awesome commercial with david spade or some shit. and david spade one of his best friends forever was totally ok with it. omg, thats just the most heart warming thing i have ever heard. when im dead i hope all my friends use my image to make money for themselves by selling tv stuff

the good mac

HEY! Macaulay.... you aint no good son....

Home Alone

Not the movie. The real life shit. While growing up, my mother compared me to Macauly Culkin. "Oh Allison, your hair is just like Macauly's. You are a good son, just like Macauly. I'm going to leave you alone for a week, just like Macauly." GOD DAMMIT MOM, THAT SHIT WAS A MOVIE. Everybody knows that all the crazy shit your parent do to you as a child makes you a freak. That is why I am so scared now. I am home alone.

Yeah maybe I got a shit ton of ice cream, but I don't got no one to save me from Joe Pesci. And I don't mean the robber from Home Alone. I mean the mother fucking killer from Goodfellas. So I hope my roommates are happy and full of Thai food, when they come home, and find the mafia has had their way with me.

Best,
Me.

That's my feral child!

Hey! It's my favorite character Blanka! I love Blanka. Poor little Blanka. Alone in the jungles of Brazil for so long. Did you know that a human baby that is left alone in the jungle raised by animals will turn all animal looking? Yeah really a human baby turns green and freaky when he is in the jungle! Apparently he is green cuz he rubbed plants all over him to blend in.... and it turned his skin green. I'm guessing his hair is naturally orange? Also I have heard that he is electric because of the plane crash or also cuz of the electric eels. I'm not sure. Love that feral child. Also he loves his mama. So much.

ANYWHOS, who would play him? It would have to be a character actor. How about John C Reily! He is such a character! I'm sure he could totally pull this off. I mean have you seen Boogie Nights?! What a pro, what a character pro.

WAIT!

WAIT! here is ONE picture of her fighting. So there is one. And this is pretty cool cuz she is totally killing Ryu. So when the movie comes out this is gonna be Olivia Munn totally kicking the shit out of Jet Li. sounds good right?!

spinning time kick!

ok, so I wasnt going to do another one of these tonight, but I started looking around at pics and shit and I just got so angry, so here we go. So me and Allison were talking about who would be Chun Li and it was all like... DUH Olivia Munn. So like Ryu and Chun Li were the only two that were just like we totally already knew the perfect actors the rest we have been thinking about and ya know, aint so obvi. Olivia is clearly Chun Li cuz she pretty much is Chun Li and she has experience portraying Chun Li and already has her costume and has probably already gotten into the mind of Chun Li.

Well so thats out of the way, Olivia is Chun Li, but when searching for pictures on google to make a picture for this blog something really shitty happened. So i found a pic of Olivia as Chun Li in about one second. But then when i just searched for Chun Li all I found were disgusting drawings of her in gross sexual positions or girls dressed up as her humping shit or whatever. it was the worst. I mean seriously I found only about two pics of Chun Li that had nothing to do with sex. So i chose this totally not sexualized picture of her. When i searched for Ryu there were twelve millions image results of Ryu just fighting and being badass and shit. There were no pics of Chun Li fighting. There could be millions of pics of her fighting because she is a professional fighter. I mean sure her haduken isn't that good but she is badass. she can spin and kick upside down! Lets get serious she could totally beat tons of dudes up all day everyday. So what the fuck internet! I had no idea the "net" was so obsessed with objectifying women!!!

Haduken!

Hey, so there have been a couple street fighter movies. I saw one of them. It was AMAZING. and then there was another one all about Chun Li and I never saw it, but you know what, there should really be another street fighter movie and it should be amazing. like just the best thing you have ever seen. so lets pretend us gals over here at this place had lots of hollywood powers and could make this movie happen. who would we cast? wow what a great question! ok so how about every day or something like that we say a new castmember and shit.

ok so this first one is not that exciting, I mean let me think... who should be Ryu.... hhhmmmm.... ok DUH! Jackie Chan!!!! what? just kidding, Jackie could not handle such a serious role. What were you thinking?! I mean sure Jackie was AMAZING in The Tuxeodo, and I love his work with Owen Wilson, but I'm pretty sure he could never portray the complexities of Ryu. Ryu's pain at never being the best and always having to train harder. "I must train harder". So the real answer to this question is..... Jet Li!!!!!! But now there is not much else to say. Jet Li, obvi

Blog Force

What happens when someone forces you to blog? I know what you are thinking. "This is crazy, no one can force you to blog. Also, there is no rhyme or reason for forcing someone to blog, while riding a hog." Well guess what, there is definitely a rhyme (you just proved it) and there IS a reason. I can't share the exact reason (I'm scared) but I can say there is a force involved. Blog Force. NO, NOT BRUTE FORCE. So here it is: uhhh shit, on second thought, I think blogging about being forced to blog counts as blogging. Enjoy the long-lost picture of princess Leia I found under my roommate's mattress.

Wait... What... AGUH!

Hey, so we invented Aguh. Well we didn't really invent it, a little boy in an episode of Alvin and the Chipmunks titled Trick or Treason invented it. But we made it what it is today! So what is with this entry in urban dictionary?! this is it....

"1. aguh

a sound made by adorable people from Lebanon when they're frustrated or really excited.

Aguh I can't find my pen.
Aguh it's really cold.
Aguh it's spring break!!!"

Um... last time I checked this never existed outside of the context of our lives and Trick or Treason. Someone is reading our blog and stealing our shit! Now I know it's suprising that someone is reading our blog because nobody reads this but obviously there is some kind of conspiiracy against us. Also, in our post about the word shet our example is, "shit i forgot my pen, shet it was in my hand the whole time" (i dont really remember word for word but it's something like that). so whoever is fucking with my shit better get off my dick and either acknowledgy the theivery of ideas or just pay me lots of money to not go to the press

Wudy!

Detective Angel Batista. He is a detective in Dextaw. He went to Dexta and Wita's wedding. When Debwa and Wudy were dating he liked Wudy but then he kinda figuwed out that Wudy was the ice twuck killaw. I love Angel Batista. Also he twied to do it with a pwostitute