E! News Investigates: The Farts

Just kidding, Aguh News Investigates. I just figured if I used an extremely reliable news source in my headline then people would immediately pay attention to our investigative journalism. Now that I got your attention let me take you through a journey of medical science and discovery.
This all started when my roomie and fellow Aguher came down with an extremely serious and dangerous medical condition. It is a very sensitive subject, and I know we should have broken the news ages ago but it is just very tough to talk about. Now that you know we are obviously accepting all the sympathy and get well cards you can send. Our email is Aguh6969@T.A.edu. Yes, it's true my dear bloggers, my roomie suffers from, The Farts. And let me tell you this is not a mild form of the farts. This is inoperable chronic The Farts.

And so because of this illness there has been lots of talk around the apt about various treatments and medications. For example today Roomie Boomie asked me, "what's the difference between Gas-X and Beano". I was like, "I think the difference is that Gas-X makes you fart. It gets the gas out of you. I think Beano makes you not fart at all."

Although I am very very smart and watch a lot of House and know everything about medicine I decided to do some investigative journalism. After seconds of sorta skimming wikipedia I can confirm that Gas-X makes you fart (or burp, or maybe just burp, i dunno) and Beano makes you not fart. Don't believe me? Ask the Dishes!

Gas-X-

"Simethicone is an anti-foaming agent that decreases the surface tension of gas bubbles, causing them to combine into larger bubbles in the stomach that can be passed more easily by burping. Simethicone does not reduce or prevent the formation of gas in the digestive tract, rather, it increases the rate at which it exits the body.^[1] However, simethicone can relieve pain caused by gas in the intestines by decreasing foaming which then allows for passing of flatus."
Actually this picture doesn't make sense with my explanation. It looks like they are saying it stops farts but I think it makes farts. Uh oh. Maybe more investigating is needed at a future time.
ANYWHOS

Beano-

"The enzyme works in the digestive tract to break down the complex or branching sugars (polysaccharides and oligosaccharides) in foods such as legumes (beans and peanuts) and cruciferous vegetables (cauliflower, broccoli, cabbage, brussels sprouts, among others). The enzyme breaks those complex sugars into simple sugars, making these foods somewhat more digestible, and reducing intestinal gas."

Also, Katie Couric!

Donations can be made to the StopBoomieFarts#ItGetsBetter

PS. During our research it became apparent that Beano is also a comic book? So maybe if i just feed Boomie some The Beano Bumper 60th Birthday there will be less farts. Let's celebrate. Har Har!

I Sure Miss You A Lot

You know what, I really miss this Aguh. Sure the Aguh Tumblr has its perks, like my friends actually reading it, and being able to post things that aren't just words and google image searches, and like, you can navigate it and stuff, but there was something very special about this little internet home me and my fellow aguh staffers carved out for ourselves. For example I can write extremely long sentences like the one above and know that nobody will read it so who cares how shitty it is. Maybe I'm just feeling a lil nostalgic since it was last July that we really pumped up the Jamz over here and had our first annual Blogathon.
I guess what I'm trying to say is, I miss you, and I wanna say that in the form of Aaliyah's "I Miss You" but this isn't tumblr so I can't post a video or song, so just stare at this picture and sing it in your head.
Perhaps we can take a small walk down memory lane? It will truly be "A Walk to Remember". Consider this our, "Last Song" or maybe it is more of a "Dear John" letter to our precious followers (nobody). Either way this space which is sorta of like a "The Notebook" for our special thoughts and retardations will always be my, "Nights in Rodanthe". Let's remember together!
I will always be the good son. Sorry. You're forever the bad son. I'm eliJAH
I don't think we ever figured out which is the better Terri. It's a life long mystery fur shur
Oh man, i just picked some random pics from the past and turns out most are from Lost. This was something about Jack and John having birthdays or something. I don't really know or remember or care to look up!
Oh man, birthdays, right?!
It's like they are enemies but also share birthdays and birthday cheers
This was our groundbreaking and controversial editorial on sad commercials. I saw something on a new south park recently about this, but of course we were ahead of the curve AS USUAL!
Oh Jackie, why you gotta make me so sad!
And of course, the Aguh that started all of the Aguhs. From here till eternity. And this is just the tip of the iceberg, there is so many more cherished memories that I am too lazy to go through. Buh-bay aguh, hopefully ssee ya soon. LYLAS!

No Reservations

I'm addicted to No Reservations. NO NOT THAT NO RESERVATION STARRING CATHERIN ZETA JONES AND HARVEY DENT! I have never even seen that movie! But you know what's weird? That movie poster is related to what I am addicted to, which is people that like cooking and talking about food. I am addicted to Anthony Bourdain's No Reservations! Ugh I don't get it either so don't ask me. But you know what else I don't get, the ad campaign. They have all this talk about good Anthony vs Bad Anthony and whether he will be an angel or a devil. I DONT GET IT! I have watched WAY too many episodes of this show to still not understand why that is the premise for the ad campaign. Supposedly he is sometimes good and sometimes evil. I mean I guess it makes sense. Lets check out the two sides of Anthony Bourdain.....
So he does seem pretty evil. I mean he smokes cigarettes AND wears ripped jeans. Prettay prettay evil.
BUT! At the same time....
He has a kid and sometimes there is a picture of him with a kid. So I guess that makes him good?
I guess I understand better but mostly as far as I can tell this is a show about a guy who gets paid a lot of money to travel around the world and eat stuff. AND I STILL LOVE IT

A Mother's Tan

If you live with someone who watches teen mom, then you are going to watch teen mom. one thing i noticed about this show is how tan this mama is. It does not translate well into photographs, but holy shit, this girl is orange-brown.

The Question Of Our Time

The age old question. A question we've been asking ourselves since at least the 1970s.
Who would you do first Amy Poehler or Tina Fey?


Now I have been thinking about it a lot, and they both have some great qualities. One has great taste in glasses, the other is married to Gob Bluth. How ever will we choose!?



Amy has the rebel appeal (as pictured below)




Tina has the hot for teacher appeal (pictured below) (if only van halen was making the decision, it would be so much easier). She's my cherry pie. ya know?




SO WHO WILL I CHOOSE?
Aguh this is too hard.
who would you choose?

Well i think i have made my decision....

I CHOOSE 3Some Threesome Minaj

ATTORNEY AT LAW MARKEESALAMONE AND MORELLI

Tum Thumping

DON'T PANIC! Aguh now on tumblr. Soooooooo.... check it out. I mean I love this aguh but you can't post videos. Also there was MAJOR pressure from the fans to head on over there. But I'm sure things will be great. Also I am really distracted writing this cuz I'm watching a rerun of Lindsay Lohan hosting SNL and so..... I am not ...........paying attention...... to what I'm writing

nime inteen marm goat

once they were the couple of the century. Then maggie came along and performed a deadly blow job on nathaniel fisher. This upset the snake. aka "bren".




a beautiful young lady deserving of respect and faithfulness, which is the opposite of adultery. nate, the adulterer deserved to die but bren the beauty deserved to not be hurt. so am i happy with this ending....i dont know. certainly i am not happy with ruth. she brought george who birthed maggie who killed nate.


tribute to you, bren. i never thought you would be my ultimate favorite character.

bren, aka "the best"

ew not ruths sister on the tv please go away. where is betina