Ying Yang Twins

 hello,

 

 im back guys. and i have one thing to say. why the fuck arent people making a bigger deal about margo's dad meeting peewee herman.

HELLO GUYS. thats her dad. daddy peewee. margo is babbling in the background about how good her second computer is, but all i can hear is daddy peewee. she tells me her 1969 macbook pro can play youtube like a champ, but all i hear is large marge sent ya. this is like the biggest news since [refer to above picture] something got messed up in the matrix and sent that photo a little too soon in time. a delorian would fix it, but it belongs to someone who is unwilling to negotiate with me.

she thinks she controls this blog

yeah right man. she doesnt

anyways, no one was willing to negotiate the price of the delorian

so i cant go back and change that bread picture.its the one thing i regret in life.

but whatever, yolo guys.

this is a pic of the first YOLO, which was followed by zach effrons yolo, which then was followed by the final yolo

so all i gotta say is the ultimate yolo is running naked into a cacti. like what else is better than that. YOLO.

okay so i was initially going to stop the blog, but margo needs encouragement.

tell her to wake up guys. i need every single one of you to send a letter to her at the exact same time. and they need to get here within 5 minutes.

wow thanks for all your letters guys. its really great to hear from you. margo left the building and is no long in need of encouragement.


shes gone. i think she died in her sleep.

\
i saw the ying yang twins in concert. it was good.

night

Marry. Fuck. Kill

Marry: Green. Granted she put egg shells into a cake but she seems pretty chill. I can picture us just sitting on the couch watching a Man vs Wild marathon drinking some beers. Like she definitely wouldn't judge me for eating ramen everyday.

Fuck: Blue. She has a temper for sure. The girls got spunk (gross). She has a bodacious bod. She is clearly the youngest of the three. She is probably into some kinky shit. This one's a no brainer.

Kill: Red. Obviously

(actual photo taken of me last summer)

It's June. It's NY. It's almost summer time in NY. I hate summer in NY. It's hot and muggy and everything smells like garbage. Everything is heated concrete and heated blacktop and there are like three trees but everyone is trying to fit under those three trees but there are so many people and most people don't fit under three trees. You see people pass out on the street from heat stroke, or maybe you have just seen that once but once is enough. One time you were at a crowded bar and fainted from being hot. There are flies EVERYWHERE. I just hate it so much. And so I decided to compile a list of:
Places I would rather be than NY in the summer

Every summer in NY I have fantasies of being an Alaskan King Crab fisherman. I know its supposedly a very deadly job, but here's the catch (get it!) look how icy it is on that boat! Don't you wanna be on that boat?! Plus you could just smoke cigarettes and curse and wear the same old dirty clothes everyday and drink whiskey because you need to stay warm, and nobody will judge you. Also don't they make like a million dollars per crab? Sounds like paradise to me

Arrakis. Now I have seen the movie Dune. I'm not a dummy. But if we take away the knowledge that it is simply a horrible film, maybe its not such a horrible planet. Granted I stopped paying attention a third of the way in so I'm not exactly sure how everything ended up, but I'm sure we could find some good qualities here. Also I am half way through the book, and I still don't like it! But one thing I know for certain is that even if Arrakis is just as hot as NY is in the summer, at least it doesn't smell like garbage. There has got to be limited garbage on those Dunes. Waste not want not is their main policy over there. It would be pretty cool to just eat some spice and ride some sandworms all day.

Now here is a series of movies/books I can get behind. Trust me I know Mordor is suppose to be pretty bad. And actually I'm sure it has a combo of heat and smells similar to NY in the summer, but honestly I think I would take any place in middle earth over any place in regular earth. Also lets just suppose this is Mordor post Sauron, it could evolve into a pretty nice place?

Ok, maybe I should make this exclusively "places I would rather be than NY in the summer that are also books that have been adapted in movies" because apparently that is what it is turning into. But yeah, Cormac McCarthys dystopian future is more appealing to me than another summer in NY. Now before our mailbox gets jammed full of letters arguing against this one, let me say I know that there are SOME downsides to living in this post apocalyptic hell hole but that doesn't mean that there aren't also some perks to this world. I mean heat does not seem to be an issue. The sun is barely out, and even at the beach you can catch quite the pneumonia. Also there is plenty of outdoor space for picnics and BBQ's which is one of my biggest complaints of living in the city. I don't want to go to your rooftop cookout where 50 people try to fit on one tar sun soaked roof where the risk of somebody falling off is MUCH higher than anyone is willing to admit. I don't want to travel for an hour to central park to find an inch of space on the grass in order to have a picnic with every single other person in the city. I would rather have some nice quiet space to myself in the forest enjoying my grilled baby fetus in peace.

Jurassic Park. Cuz of the Jello I think.

Places I would not rather be than NY in the summer

Pandora. Cuz fuck Avatar.

Anywhere with snakes.

Ok, hey guys. How's it going? Great! Oh us, we're fine. I mean we are well into our second life now. Just swimming through these letters and juice. It's not so bad, don't worry. I will gladly give my second life to this blog which I have served with honor and bravery for the past something years. Oh that brings me to the second letter! Here it is guyzzzzzzz

Dear Aguh,

Memorial Day!

Love,
America

Thanks America! You're right, it is Memorial Day! Good job! I'm so proud of you that you knew today was memorial day. You must be some real smarty pants or something to figure that one out. Lets all pray that you win all the nobel prizes this year for just being the smartest person on the planet. Oh I am so for real impressed with your wealth of knowledge. Did you go to an Ivy League? Harvard or Yale, omg don't tell me Oxford! You're not even American and you knew it was Memorial Day?! Jesus Christ get the gal a fucking trophy already, become all of our presidents and spiritual leader and GOD.

PSYCH! Any idiot with a calendar can figure out that today is Memorial Day.

What? You wanna know about Memorial Day? You cant just google it? Wow you really are pretty slow. Ok I will help you out a little I guess.

As everyone knows Memorial Day is ranked the seventh most important holiday in the well known and agreed upon ranking of the holidays.

1.Bastille Day
2. My birthday
3. Halloween
4. Santacon
5. Back to the Future 20th anniversary special edition
6. The MTV movie Awards
7. Memorial Day

It is traditional on this day to sit in ones room  with a fan on because it is very hot. While one is in their room on Memorial Day it is traditional to drink coffee that was once hot but now is luke warm and gross while they blog about things and listen to pandora on their iphone but pandora is doing such a bad job today and actually played Elton Jon on Pavement radio and nothing sounds good and you have to go out in a little bit to see your friends and drink margaritas and eat potato salad but you are so afraid of being out there in the heat but also you wanna see your friends and drink margaritas and eat potato salad because it is Memorial Day. And that is how you celebrate Memorial Day. It's what George Washington would have wanted, and thats all that matters seeing how he is known as The Father of our Memorial Day.

GOD BLESSSSS

Woah, guys that was fast! I knew I could count on you to get the blog juices flowing. THATS A DISGUSTING THING TO SAY! Well, as I said the disgusting blog juices are flowing. We are literally drowning in your letters and your blog juices over here. RIP Aguh. We all just died because of the blog juice metaphor being so disgusting and the drowning, and all the letters.

Well I'm an angel now and I am blogging from blog heaven. I think this happened before on here. But who knows, who can even pretend to understand the mysteries of life and death. I got some bad news for you guys, blog heaven looks a lot like Bushwick :(. But we must move on, you only live twice, am I right or am I right. That brings me to our first letter, here I will publish it for you:

Dear Aguh,

YOLO?

Love,
Jack Teflon

Well thanks for the inquiry "Jack". The answer to your question is, no. The correct spelling is YOLT. We all know you only live twice. So make the most of those two lives! In one of them you can star in a movie about singing and teenagers and basketball and then you save the second life for doing something important. Like helping people. Maybe doctors without borders? Maybe greenpeace? Definitely not whale wars. Maybe blogging? My point is definitely just fuck around and waste that first life because you get another one, and then in that other one definitely do NOT fuck around. What are you doing! You just wasted your first life, you only have this other one left and then that is it! Make it count! YOU ONLY LIVE TWICE FOR GODS SAKE!

Back 2 Beeswax

Ok, I promise we are back in business over here. We are back in business and ready to go! But we need help from you, yes YOU! What should we write about? It's not our fault that literally nothing has happened in the world of entertainment, politics, science, mathematics, social studies, arithmetic, gym, cafeteria or sports in three years. I'm sure if anything happened I would have so much to say about it, but like I said, nothing has been going on. Nada. So plz write in and tell us what issues matter to you, our immense and caring audience of avid readers. All suggestions can be sent to

Aguh-sometime/letters/suggestions/WestonCage
Empire State Building Suit #69
New York, NY
69420

Avatard

Hey guys! Yeah it's been a long time. Things have changed. Things change! What can ya do? The earth is spinning and time is moving and I can literally not think of even one thing that could change that. Here is one example of how things have changed, it took me forever to figure out how blogger works now. What's going on here?! But lets just get to the point. We're back! Well, I'm back. My associate is gone. She has pass on. Don't worry she isn't actually dead... just dead to me! hahahaha. oh woah. Well lets get serious, we are back and ready to discuss all those really important things we normally discuss. For instance we have some very topical and timely discussions to discuss about the superstar blockbuster smash hit, James Cameran's Avatar!

Now, I saw this in theaters 100 years ago when it first came out and let me tell you, I just hated it. Most of the people I went with liked it. When I argued with these people they ended up falling into two categories, those who defended the movie, or ya know film, as a whole. They felt the story was THERE. It had a message, and it was just beautiful. The other group admitted the story was pretty heavy handed and sorta extremely dumb and also extremely stupid but, it was visually AMAZING.
I just cant follow either of these arguments. The story certainly was both dumb and stupid, but to top it off I was not impressed with the visuals. Is it because I have watched movies and other things before and because of this it just looked like movies and other things to me? Like there is a very small chance that everyone I went to see this with hadn't seen a movie since the beginning of the Talkie? That doesn't make much sense but, ya never know. Well since this is just such a very appropriate thing to be thinking about a mere 50 years since its release I decided to compile a list of movies that were way more visually impressive than Avatar.

Number 1. Jumanji. This movie was made a million years ago. Have you seen Robin Williams lately? He does not look the same way he looked like in Jumanji. Kirsten Dunst is a lovely young woman now as opposed to a lovely young lady. Bonnie Hunt looks the same, but she just must have some secret. The monkey-boy as we all know went on to flourish I'm sure. But just think about that stampede scene, was that a real stampede? Of course not, but it certainly looked like one!

Number 2. LOTR. It looks GREAT. Watch all 169 hours of bonus features and you will find out how they made that movie magic. Or don't if you still want to baffle at the magic of movie makings

Number 3. Jurassic Park. Ok, this is like, DUUUUUUH. Cuz, those are maybe real dinosaurs? How did they do that? How come nothing else looks that real and cool now? Remember when Jeff Goldblum does that speech about randomness and he has those drops of water drop off his hand? That always confused me so much when I was a kid! I had no idea what he was talking about!

Number 4. Pixar

Number 5. World of Warcraft. This is not a movie, but it is what I was most reminded of the entire time I was watching Avatar. My former associate here at Aguh had a pretty intense relationship with this game and because of this I had to look at it a lot, and you know what, it looked like Avatar. Also Avatar looks like Gears of War and also every other videogame made after 1998 and that isn't on Wii.

To sum it up. I don't like Avatar. When I was searching for the title pic to go along with Avatar I couldnt tell the difference between fan drawings, computer made images, videogame screen grabs, and images from the film. But lets look on the bright side, James Cameron is gonna make a billion more of these and then he is gonna make a billion more bucks, and then he can buy more things for himself! GOOD FOR HIM!